Just For Laughs

Legend has it that George Washington, America 's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. The story goes that George gives the tree a good swing and chops it down with an axe.
His father sees the damaged tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed. George is quoted as bravely admitting the truth:
'I can't tell a lie. Pa, you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with my axe.'

Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question:

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi
- 'I did not cut down the tree, I was just taking a nap underneath it.'

Najib Razak
- 'I swear that I have never MET that tree.'

Hishammuddin Hussein Onn
- '...but I only own a keris, not axe, how to cut down the tree?'

Dr Mahathir Mohamad
- 'Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because I don't like the idea of Pak Lah sleeping under it.'

Chua Soi Lek
- 'Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.'

VK Lingam
- 'It could be me, it might have been me, but I don't think it's me.'

Anwar Ibrahim
- 'I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.'

Mohd Khir Toyo
- 'The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.'

Ahmad Said ( Terengganu MB )
- 'I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.'

Azalina Othman
- 'The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down and besides there were unauthorised signboards put up around the tree.'

Shabery Cheek
- 'I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.'

S Samy Velu
- 'I chopped it because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.'

Wira Ali Rustam
- 'We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years. We do not need cherry trees, apple trees, pear trees and all these other foreign trees.'

Rais Yatim
- 'You must see the bigger picture. Ahmad Said said cherry trees are expensive to maintain. Ali Rustam said they are against our national identity. And I needed to test my new axe. So, you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.'

Sharir Samad
- 'I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidise it.'

Karpal Singh
- 'The bigfoot creature did it.'

Bung Mokhtar
- 'The big monkey did it.'

Pandikar Amin Mulia
- 'There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees......Kinabatangan duduk! Bukit Gelugor duduk!'

Khairy Jamaluddin
- I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree?'

Lim Kit Siang
- 'Cherry tree also you don't know. You are a disgrace to Oxford !'

Nazri Abdul Aziz
- 'Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now...'

Malaysian Citizens
- 'Oh for heavens sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death!'

GUEST BLOGGER CONTRIBUTION - Of Ass Kissers And Ball Carriers Part l

Anyone fancy being hired as a highly paid Assistant Sales Manager? No qualifications? Never mind la ……. So long as you say “yes” to whatever shit your boss says, you’ll be paid a staggering RM6000.00 per month, doing NOTHING. Well, nothing a normal Assistant Sales Manager would do anyway.

So here’s what the Assistant Sales Manager (hereafter known as AK – Ass Kisser) does everyday. AK goes into the small boss’ (hereafter known as SB) room to have a puff with him and hear SB rant and rant and whine and whine about whatever issues he wants to get off his chest. All AK needs to do is to nod his head every now and then, sympathize with SB and of course agree to what SB’s ranting about. AK will follow SB out for lunch or sales calls like a small dog following his master.
Simple isn’t it? And when AK’s sales staff goes to him for help or advise, AK will just tell them this well rehearsed and most commonly used phrase :-
“Ermm I don’t know woh. Let me check with my boss (SB) and get back to you”

When the sales staffs complain to the “bigger boss” (hereafter known as BB) about AK’s incompetence, BB will advise the sales staff:-

“I know, I know he is not clever and is incompetent, you all chip in to help him lo, teach him lo.”

WTF, WTF, WTF??!!!

The sales staffs have to “teach” their superior?? All his Excel and Power Point presentations are prepared by the staff. All he needs to do is to present (sometimes I don’t know whether he comprehends what he’s presenting) during the meetings. He doesn’t even know how to use basic Excel and Power Point.

Heck, he’s got no emailing skills either. Once he had to inform the sales team about a training one of our suppliers was conducting. So the email heading read something like this:-

“Refreshment Course by ……… (the company)”

This happens all the time. AK on the phone with customer:-

“Harlow, Mr X ah, I want to appointment you ……..”

BB always sings praises that AK’s very loyal to the company, and that he doesn’t look for “lobang” outside. Of course he’s loyal la. WHO in the right mind will hire this fella? WHERE else can he go? WHAT can he do besides lick ass and carry balls?

But wait a minute, wait a minute. If he doesn’t have an ounce of grey matter between his ears, how come he knows how to play politics, like sucking up to the small boss’ mistress? (hereafter known as SBM or BOTC – Bitch Of The Century)

That, dear readers, will be in another installment …… stay tuned

Stricter Laws Against Animal Cruelty

Last year, two animals were brutally hacked to death in Queensland.

On October 20th last year, a 7-month old fox terrier named Peanut was kidnapped, tortured and brutally hacked to death by two men in Moranbah. And a mere 3 weeks later on November 10th, a 4-year old cat named Basil was sliced up and decapitated and dumped outside a primary school in McKay.

I don't have the heart to write in detail what happened to these poor animals, especially Peanut because it is horrifyingly sadistic and cruel beyond words. But there are a lot of articles on this website http://www.peanutslaw.com/story.html

In the case of Peanut the Pup, animal rights experts have described the incident as the 'worst and most horrific in Australian history'. The two men responsible for this heinous and inhumane act, Trent Cunliffe and Jonathan Blake are pleading mental illness and are currently being remanded till the next court date on 29th May.

To date, they are still looking for Basil the Cat's killers.

The maximum penalty under the Animal Care and Protection Act for such an offence is $75,000 or two years in jail, but the maximum penalty ever handed out is a four-month jail term.

But is $75,000 and two years in jail enough to deter anyone from committing the same offense in future? Can we actually put a price to our pet's lives? Or that of any animal?

If Australia or anywhere else carries the death penalty for such an offense, I say we go for that.

Boarding My Babies in Penang

I boarded my cats at a certain Veterinary Clinic in Bagan Jermal, Penang recently. And I will never make that mistake again.

My aunt was the one who recommended the clinic, because at RM10 per cat, it was a bargain! Oh, how wrong we were!!!

Anyway, I happily left my furry babies there and returned a week later to pick them up.

The charges were supposed to be RM10 per cat right? Somehow I ended up being charged RM12 for one of my cats because he was bigger in size. Fair enough, BUT when the vet was examining my cats before they were allowed to be boarded, I asked repeatedly whether the charges were RM10 nett per cat. The answer was YES.

Okayyyy no big deal on the additional RM2 per cat there but the vet has to examine the pets before boarding and get this - you have to pay for CONSULTATION charges. Hey, if you have to examine my pets before allowing them to be boarded, that's your problem. I do not expect to be charged for that as I never asked for them to be examined. My cats are only there for the sole purpose of boarding for goodness sake, not consultation. If my cats were sick, fair enough. But they were not. They only needed a vaccine booster shot as it was already due. Incidentally, the charges for the shot was 60% more than what I would've been charged had I sent them to my regular vet in KL.

That's not all. Apparently they were given vitamins during the course of their stay and again, I WASN'T TOLD ABOUT THIS PRIOR TO BOARDING. Besides, how do I know whether they were really given vitamins as I was not present to see them ingesting it with my own eyes? And did I ask for the vitamins? NOPE.

I refused to pay for the additional charges and after arguing with the vet about it he only grudgingly agreed to waive the charges for the vitamins. I was rudely informed that I had to pay for the rest, then to take my cats and leave. Hmmmm......no manners!!!! And he obviously didn't get the point of my argument which was to inform me about all the additional charges upfront.

So with all the additional miscellaneous charges (for the size of my cat, the questionable vitamins and so-called consultation) the bill came up to 20% more than what I expected to be charged. 20% is actually nothing to jump about but my point is, they should've had the COURTESY to inform me of the additional charges before I boarded them. I still would have boarded them there regardless, but at least I wouldn't have felt so cheated.

Any Penangite looking for a rude, unethical vet who overcharges? I strongly recommend this one particular vet in Bagan Jermal.

Malaysian Politics Through The Eyes of a Political Newbie

I do not follow the political scene in Malaysia and most of the time I'm totally clueless about what's happening out there as I rarely read the newspaper. Heck, I didn't even register as a voter till this year!


But due to the recent newspaper headlines of Bukit Lanjan assemblyman Elizabeth Wong's alleged nude pics, I feel that it is my obligation as a newly-registered-to-vote-not-so-patriotic Malaysian to give my two cents' worth on the matter....not to mention that I've been getting comments from my fellow bloggers that I need to update my blog! :-p


Is the Elizabeth Wong scandal just another one of the latest in a never-ending series of fiascos designed to cause a political furore in the country and to further pave the way for the Opposition Party to seize control of the Selangor state Government?


I have seen a few of the pics and there is nothing morally wrong with it. If she were a Hollywood celebrity those pics would've given her a boost in her ratings but because she is with PKR, the situation is being blown out of proportion in the hopes that the negative stigma will cause an impact on her political career.


Does being an MP in Malaysia mean not having the right to live their private life the way they choose to? They are humans too, and I can think of far many more politicians here who abuse their power and position to the best of their advantage. And they are the very ones condemning Elizabeth Wong for the unintentional scandalous photos.


Hypocrisy is rampant here as is the practice of double standards. How else could a freaking palace sprout in the middle of Klang, on a piece of land meant for low-cost houses? The very same person who allowed that to happen also called for Elizabeth Wong's resignation from all her posts, applauded when she did so and subsequently says his 'heart goes out to her and her family'. I must say that I'm impressed that the man is able to symphatize. I just never knew that a person without a heart or morals could symphatize in the first place!


But I truly applaud YB Elizabeth for having the decency to offer to resign from her position though her resignation wasn't necessary.


As a political freshie, I say this with the utmost sincerity to those who are standing by the sidelines and giving unnecesary and annoying comments. 'Wake up, smell and admit to your own shit before you start telling other people to do the right thing'. There's nothing worse than a pot calling the kettle black!


Tell me - Do scandalous photos trump cheating the hardcore poor Rakyat out of land their low-cost homes were meant to be built on? Are scandalous photos worse than partaking in corruption, bribery and money politics?


I think not!


Which is why I choose to go back to being blissfully ignorant about politics. The more you know, the more stressed out you will be and at the end of the day you KNOW there's absolutely NOTHING you can do about it. As long as those in power remain crooked and corrupted and the ACA is not an independent body, it will never change.


Three little words describe Malaysian politics - Dans la Merde!

Mamma Mia! - Molto Indimenticabile!!

This is my 3rd post about Mamma Mia so you must realize by now that I'm a real fan of both the musical and the movie.

Mamma Mia has left the country for more than a month and I still have not recovered from the Mamma Mia fever I've been down with since December last year.

The wallpaper on my laptop is of Mamma Mia, the CD in my car is of the Mamma Mia soundtrack and so are the ringtones and caller ringtones on my handphone.

The West End production of Mamma Mia will be celebrating its 10th Anniversary in Prince Charles Theatre in London on April 6th and it would be a real treat if I could go....is there a kind soul out there who's willing to sponsor my trip? hehehe

The Mamma Mia fever is untreatable and uncurable.....perhaps till the next hit musical comes along. But what musical could be greater than Mamma Mia???

SMS Scam

The Star reported today that Malaysian police crippled a syndicate scamming the public via SMS in Tawau. Kudos to the police for finally catching those responsible. The syndicate, which had been operating since 2006 had reportedly cheated 115 individuals out of a total of RM1.9 mil at the time of arrest. 115 is only the number of cases that were reported. What about those that were NOT reported?

It is alarming to know that a syndicate is able to operate in Malaysia for more than 2 years before coming to an untimely end. I guess criminals really are smarter than lawmakers here. Or maybe the lawmakers are just too busy catching the wrong criminals and looking for 'coffee money'???

How the scam works - SMS are sent to random victims informing them that they have won cash prizes from Shell, Petronas, etc. The gullible and unsuspecting victims who respond to the SMS will be told to deposit an amount of money into a stipulated bank account before they can collect the prizes.

Woweeee! It's like money just fell from the sky isn't it? Please, please remember that if something sounds too good to be true, it always is!!!